And oft, my jealousy shapes faults that are not. ~William Shakespeare
This quote exactly sums up why I want to rid this stupid jealous malaise in me. I'm really quite weak at articulating my own thoughts and feelings, so I'm thankful for all the help I can get from google and these writers.
Jealousy. I begin to see flaws in myself. The self-doubt feeds. I give up things I enjoy because I don't think I'm good enough.
On the other hand, I regard the 'somebody' (who probably doesn't even know I'm jealous or envious in the first place) to have the ill-est intentions directed at myself, and have the lowest character ever.
In any case, these feelings are just unhealthy. I want to get out of it.
I have been feeling jealous/envious (or whatever that angry feeling is) for the past year towards this 'someone'. as much as i admire the person, I just can't help feeling bitter about that person's achievements, and more so, the lack of regard for my potential.
So i was trolling around the internet for quotes to put this horrible emotion into perspective. I found one that wasn't just witty but provided some insight as to how I could cast that feeling aside. Thought I'd just share it:
Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value. Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point - that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you. There is only one alternative - self-value. If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe that you are loved. You will always think it's a mistake or luck. Take your eyes off others and turn the scanner within. Find the seeds of your jealousy, clear the old voices and experiences. Put all the energy into building your personal and emotional security. Then you will be the one others envy, and you can remember the pain and reach out to them. ~Jennifer James
that's just what I will want to do. focus on my own projects, and quit counting the blessings of others. and on another note, stop waiting for others to value what i can bring to the table. i simply don't need anyone's approval to be awesome.
hahah! i never know where to begin blogging because I can't even remember what I was blogging about before. Oh wait, I haven't actually been blogging anyway.
Oh well, decided to pen a post before this blog becomes stale. Nothing much's happening in my life right now. I started on an internship which I like to think of as wine. It's an acquired taste and perhaps I'd grow to enjoy and someday, even savour it. It's really quite a task to be able to be warm and welcoming, especially to kids. Being kids, they are already equipped to look so adorable and I just want to love them. But sometimes I'm not quite sure how to engage them. And that can be quite stressful since all these thoughts are running in my head. What should I say next that could be appropriate and understandable by these kids? And sometimes it is even scarier because the parents are looking on so expectantly, and I am just afraid to say something that might offend them or their child. :\ what if they cryyyyyy. :(
i hang around in the clinic in the mornings and then head to do admin stuff in the afternoon. It's cool, they have a SIPT conference coming up and I'm helping with operations-related stuff for it. HAHA. It's funny how I kinda always end up with some conference-related task. Referring to my last internship in a startup doing a conference for Singtel.
Oh, right now i'm also stressing over what to wear to work. I want to look smart yet lovable. hmmm..
okay toodles. im gonna go to bed. and hopefully when i wake up tmrw, i would be less lazy and bother to blog more. ha.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
HELLO. sorry i disappeared for so long.
here is a post. about how i bought this awesome pretty LOVE bracelet from Bershka. which costed me a grand SGD16.90. I should seriously start DIY-ing my own stuff. zzzz.
easier said than done really. but really, 17 dollars for sth so flimsy is just so un-like me! (I tried flipping the photo, back forth right centre, to get the love-word right, and the photo turns out to be me upside down. lol. so i decided to just leave it as it is) My thoughts when I was buying it was that it will remind me to love love love. Suppose to work like the fad where people wore rubber bands with encouraging words embossed in them, to remind them to do/be that. haven't actually thought of the parameters of it, but i guess it's a good thing nonetheless. i had the best intentions when i bought it.
hms, but then again, the road to hell is paved with good intention. okay, i better figure out what I would mean by 'LOVING' everyday.
anyway, life's been fair. there's nothing much going on, except an awesome Halloween at Brotzeit, Suntec. It was really fun until the end of the night when I started puking my guts out because I drank and FORGOT that I ate panadol, because I have had been having some badass flu.
the 1L beer mugs, and food :D
the bunny, the madhatter and the devil.
the monster and i
yishu was there! she wasn't the joker.
marcus the jailbird
tinklebell is drunk on fairy dust.
i am guzzling here, but i swear i only had like one mug all night. :\ stupid panadol.
Anyhow, i did want to do a make up look to look more dramatic.
and here's the actual look i copied off.
really sexy huh.
I didn't want to buy make up to specially do that look but yet i needed the colours to be bright, which probably couldn't be achieved with cheap make-up, so i improvised with sgd2.90 clown facepaint from holland v. The 'eye-shadow' looks a little wet (it was still wet then, and never really did dry). It was not too bad and would have looked decent in the night anyway.
so I tried the look the night before, just so that I would know if it would work or not, and whether I would get an allergic reaction to the paint, and not waste time the next evening because I had a tight schedule? well, i didn't have time anyhow.. hahahaha. good try though. Well, one thing that transpired from using the facepaint make up was that i really feel like buying the 88 eyeshadow palette from ebay. it's only USD10, and I think i can do so many pretty make-up looks with it... dreams dreams... one day i'll get it!
