stuff myself with love, patience and joy

had a nice peaceful afternoon today. it felt really good to just stay home, and my dad's just pottering around in the house, packing up for work that starts tomorrow again.

i guess i'm that kinda person. I don't plan anything special but I just want to be there, and be around to show I care. I guess that's like the bare minimum any person could do. Alternatively, you could just call me lazy.

Well, can't say that I didn't try. I asked my dad if he wanted to go watch fireworks with me. And he just kept quiet.

But today was nice, he realised I didn't have food at home to eat, so he brought me out to 'lunch'. Had steamed dumplings, pohpiah, and cold sugarcane. Not quite a lunch, but we were expecting to eat dinner in a few hours time anyway.



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sometimes i find myself getting impatient with a certain individual. G discourages me from it, 'You meet people like these everywhere.'

Whilst I was sweeping the floor, (which always happens to be the only times I find myself undistracted enough to reflect about things) I realised that perhaps I was not only mad at the person because of his conceit and immaturity.

I always felt strongly enough to want to reason with him regarding his beliefs, but every time I ever did, he would just shut me off, saying he's just right. He teems with opinions he feels everyone should listen and adhere to. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, I can't deny that.

But, a true conversation or a good argument involves listening as well. It involves an exchange. If one refuses to listen, and one gave up talking, then there's no conversation. When there's no exchange, then perhaps, there will be nothing tangible at all, much less a friendship.

Maybe that's why I'm really angry. Angry at myself for being frustrated for wanting to make a conversation. I guess I never failed more miserably. I found myself more than ever, just shutting off to avoid getting angry, and then trying again. I didn't every try to move on completely. Perhaps, it's time I should really just extricate myself from this situation and not look back.

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I am going HONG KONGGGG!



Honestly, there's all these tension and stress going on resulting in sporadic outbursts, and it's driving me crazy because I do not know when the big one will happen. I feel like if there's an opportunity to escape or move to another country, I would just take it.

Irresponsible. But I don't know how else to handle it.